I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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