He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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