Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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