I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize