I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize