1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize