I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize