i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize