Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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