I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize