it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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