We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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