I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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