yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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