I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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