Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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