my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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