Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I looked at my own cervix.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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