Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize