biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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