Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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