True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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