I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm both gender and math confused
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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