we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize