shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize