im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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