i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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