If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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