I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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