Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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