We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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