how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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