apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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