I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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