jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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