apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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