He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize