so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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