I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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