I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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