Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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