You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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