Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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