toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize