so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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