he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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