He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize