i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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