Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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