Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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